17.09.2015, Location: Some unknown location in an alternate universe, still trying to map this place.
So i deposited 19 euros on sept. 2-nd played some nl2 cash with 50 bb buy ins to better manage that little bankroll. At some point got 2-nd place in a 0.11c tourney :D for $50 if i remember it correctly and at that point my bankroll was already at about 90 euros. Started playing nl5 and was floating around 80-120 eur to a point where couple of things came together and shitstorm hit the fan with a cosmic power and of godlike wrath of the poker gods, RNGesus and The Holy Order Of Disciples Of The Microstakes Botting Community and with the help of me being tired as fuck by then, i managed to lose about 2/3 of that little piece of shit bank roll to a bad run, bad play and nittery. At some point my mind just can't handle that there are 99,9% of the players nitting like nuns, an occasional 36o owning your pot sized river bluffs with bottom pair on AKxxx board and i lose the ability to believe that all those raises and check raises are nuts 100% of the time. It feels like the player pool is just a bunch of bots, just a machine that has no emotions and just does pure EV calculations but programmed poorly enough that it doesn't try to adjust to anything- it just does it's thing, maybe GTO or smth. Obviously i was tired and all that is a symptom of a tilt about to rise it's head (not to say that the players there aren't crazy bot-like nun-nits).
So now i'm here, a day or two has passed since i haven't played and my mind starts to function again and i don't blame every single villain for being a member of Secret Order Of Microstakes Botting Community, Order Of Nun-Nits and bots in general.
At least i'm not in a madhouse yet.... yet :D But it's not that far, the fucking thing messes with my mind heavily, it's not like it's 2006 anymore where you just wait and get paid for being at the table.
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
So why do i still try? Why do i expect different results even if i fuck up at some point?
Anyway, most of that episode was nice, 2-nd place was nice, grinding was nice. The last part where i couldn't stop playing and was playing tired was not nice. Lesson learned...
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